my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
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