the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
