The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
