I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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