I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
