they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
And then he peed in my hair
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