i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
