we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
