OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
