Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
