help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so let's talk penis.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
