at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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