My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
