Can i not drive my cunt home
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
