ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
