OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
