My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
