after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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