how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
