i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
