70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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