There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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