sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
