my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
