I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
