all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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