New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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