She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I deserve to be covered in dicks
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
