Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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