he shaved USA in his pubs
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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