my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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