I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
