THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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