Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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