were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
