I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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