I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I had to cum in my sink.
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