so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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