I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
