i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i drank out of a bidet.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
