I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
