You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
