Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just pee around me
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
