Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
