I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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