"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
