I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
