I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
