hell yes lets make some ravioli
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
smell my finger.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
40s are totally the cure
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
