wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
